I am terrible at many things. However, one of the things I am really not good at is receiving criticism. I am so bad at it that I have this vivid memory of me as a child; whenever I would participate in any competition, in a fancy-dress contest dressed as a carrot, or as an odd-looking mirror, I would hate losing. So much so, that my parents would pre-prepare a gift wrapped in gift paper and give it to me after the results were announced just so that I would be oblivious to the truth and be unsuspecting of not winning in reality.
I am now a young adult and I have to face the lemons life throws at me time and again. And yet, I am still poor at having my flaws stated to me. I have come to realize though, that there are many like me who aren’t great at criticism. It’s just not our strongest suit.
So, when the comfortable boat of my life was shaken by the Creator to grasp my attention, little did I know the path that lay ahead of me.
With all humility, the highlights of my past life were something like below-
A 90% student with a love for academics and all things nerdy
A school leader and elocutionist, never the topper, but not far from the rank nonetheless
Was selected by a reputed investment bank to intern at their firm
Received a job placement and an opportunity to work overseas for 6 months by a conglomerate, and
Worked on my own venture with my husband, selling innovative never-seen-before desserts
To put simply, life was great to me.
I had no complaints and things were smooth. In the eyes of the world, I was doing pretty well for myself with every one of these achievements in the trajectory of my life’s course.
The Almighty, however, had a different plan.
When I got introduced to the truth behind the Maker of heaven and earth, my entire life took a drastic turn.
I had to say goodbye to so many things I once derived my value from.
I had to say goodbye to people I once knew and I had to make the conscious choice to invest in knowing the Creator and thereby discover myself through His eyes.
I had to make tough choices and say NO to many opportunities that I did not believe in and were contrary to my way of life, a life of Torah-obedience.
Through this sojourn of about 3 years, I have developed a very different worldview from what I used to have. They say that the major beliefs are fed into a child in their impressionable years till the age of 7. From what he/she sees in these years, he/she lives out the beliefs they develop from the experiences they garner in these nascent 7 years of their life. That becomes their truth in life. They see the world through those lenses.
Now, since I grew up in a household that practiced idolatry guised as righteousness - Catholicism, the religion invented by the catholic church to upsell idols, these were the beliefs that were stuck to me.
After reading the Torah and the curses of making and worshipping idols or having anything to so with such unscriptural ideas against the Most High, I had to unlearn this faulty worldview and wash off this dirt stuck to the deepest and innermost corners of my mind by a thorough deep cleaning.
Post this, I made very unlikely choices (to the ones I knew, and to my past self, practicing or associating with idolatry) and rejected things people would pounce at, and even the older me would. I received a lot of criticism for the same. And I cannot be less surprised, since I cannot expect anyone else to know what I have been through to cement the beliefs I now have.
It is not easy to leave the ease and comfort of the past traditions, even though it is clearly against God's Torah commands. But that is their choice for their lives.
I made MY choice for MY life, unapologetically finding no sense in vain idol worship.
The girl who would always win and jump at opportunities for growth and success that the world highly esteems, was now taking a break from the world and its pursuits to embark on a journey of slow-living to know the Creator.
Stopping to consider, and deeply ponder over the nature of things, people, existence and God.
To the world, I missed an unmissable goal.
But to me, I found life, and found it in the Torah.
Through my experiences, I came to understand a very important truth -
There are many things in life you must do and not expect a win. Infact, you can most certainly expect big and bad losses from these moves. It's like making an investment in a very unlikely stock you know will never hit it big in the market. Yet, you make that choice anyway.
You know why?
Because you will never win the big victories without the even bigger losses you endured and went through. All those experiences shaped you into who you are and who you will be.
Those moves you considered shameful losses and wished to hide your face under your pillow are the very moves that will make you stand atop the pinnacle of heights.
Joseph, the 11th son of the patriarch Jacob in the Torah made one such bold move.
He rejected the advances of his master’s wife who repeatedly would throw herself at him, even though he was a lowly slave. He rejected her longings and fled from the scene, solely because of the beliefs of His God which he held strongly to, which commanded him to not commit adultery, and to not covet another’s wife. (The 10 Commandments)
I am sure it wouldn’t be such a big deal in a lawless society and Joseph’s choice would be laughed at, especially since he went to prison for 12 long years for being honest and loyal as his master’s wife lied to his master about him post that. His honesty got him to face a scenario we wouldn’t understand or comprehend, a 12-year long sentence for absolutely no wrongdoing.
Yet, Joseph had no regrets. He wanted to be loyal to His God and he boldly stuck to his convictions even in the face of immense injustice that he didn’t deserve.
And all those moves that seemed to the world to be foolish, were the very moves that got him to be second-in-command to the ruler of the most powerful government in the entire ancient world, Egypt.
He endured hardships.
He endured temptation.
He endured false accusations.
All for the sake of staying true to what he believed in. Not expecting to tick all the boxes of worldly acclaim and success. But to cling to the virtues he strongly found sense in.
In no way am I as righteous as our forefather Joseph, but through his courageous and bold life, I try to glean understanding and adapt it to my life some 4500 years later.
Here's me making unconventional and unlikely choices and standing strong to what my truth is, in the Torah. Making NO compromises.
Choose Life.
